I just came back from the church. I was playing the piano for them, but the pity is , no countries for pianists. You know why? Because we are just entertainments, cheap entertainments. You are nothing without an aura from perfect advocation, which makes you fascinating and attractive.
The chaos of staying up for enjoyment still remains in my brain. I wonder what is happening to me. Am I so changeable? Just 3 months, I almost forgot the failure 3 months ago? Is that a good thing? Different ideas and cultures conflicts each other in my mind. The only important thing I know is I don’t like it and I don’t want to do it again.
Today, in the church, a Chinese girl from the Department of Journalism said she wanted to make an interview of me, as she had to fulfill her urgent research. I told her I would be free after 2:00 PM everyday, let her just call me. Her research is talking about the international students here. I have no idea what questions she may ask and what answers I should answer. I don’t know. I am only able to wait for she calling me someday. I have never experienced any interviews before. Because I am common, not a star, not popular , not famous, just a common boy. Therefore, I feel so much weird. And it has made the chaos stronger now.
Well, what will be the thing I am supposed to do next? Reviewing and previewing the books or just lie on the bed to sleep? I think I have a choice. I choose to read books in front of the desk. I will never forget why I am here and what I am.
The greatest thing you ever learn, is just to love, and be loved, in return.
I will cross the endless street, don’t know why I didn’t come. But you will be on my mind forever.