The biggest mental problem which I have, is that I don’t feel comfortable with talking to a girl on whom I have a crush. This is a very a typical teenager symptom. The only workaround is to play a different role, where I am not even aware that I have a crush on her. In long run, I can’t avoid Schizophrenia.
I found this difficulty as one of my mental challenges since my 6th grade. Young love was like a game, and gossiping someone else’s stories is more pleasing than getting involved myself. Those teenager feelings were derived from our reproductive instinct. Under the shield of ignorance, those impulses felt so real and important. I must, I have to, I need to. But it’s all hidden within attractions among the personels which release compelling aroma.
I found myself completely fine with talking to many females, because I don’t feel anything on them. It is a paradox. I would never feel comfortable with talking to someone I love at first sight. My throat will be frozen and my brain will spin up a thousand different romantic fantasies in five minutes.
So take a step back, let me examine who I would have a crush on. I would have a crush on beautiful ladies. It is an instinct. Being beautiful is a sufficient condition to make me have a crush on. Admit it. Be honest. I cannot deny it. It is the truth. If a lady is gorgeous enough, I will fall in love with her.
And then I realize something is wrong. I do not even see the horizon of true love, becasue I have never crossed the line beyond crush. I thought true love, is natural and pure, loyal and perfect. You will know if this is the person you want to spend your life with when you see her. But no, that’s a teenager definition of love.
Beyond the instinct surrounding human sex, we have something greater in our mind. It is the attraction between two personalities, which is a mental bond only exists in highly civilized and self-awared population. It is sometimes going against the human instincts, and it won’t be pure impulses, tears and laughters. It will be actions, business and rationalities. And that is why people say “once you miss the teenager love, you just miss it.”
Pursuing something that is no longer possible is a crazy behavior. You can stay crazy or move on. You can make your concept of true love evolve, or you can decide to crash in the subway rails, and die young forever.
There is nothing right or wrong. It is just a life choice. Are you going to take a leap of faith, or stay here, waiting to die alone?
What does a hero truly mean? It’s for you to decide.